You're doing it wrong

I enjoyed this list of not-too-bright criminals in this morning's Sideswipe.

* The broke guy who walked into a bank claiming to have a bomb and demanding $2000, who was then convinced by the bank manager to fill out a loan application.

* The middle-aged gardener who was upset that someone had stolen one of his marijuana plants, so called the police to report the theft. The police responded by swiping his other four plants.

*The man who cut ahead of two uniformed police in line at Starbucks and then demanded cash from the till. The man was quickly tackled and arrested.

* The Florida woman who started a fire in a filing cabinet at work so she could go home early and still get a full day's pay.

* The carjacker who dropped his gun into his 69-year-old victim's lap; she quickly picked it up and aimed it back at him.

* The husband and wife team who made a living by shoplifting and then reselling the goods online, and went on TV's Doctor Phil to brag about it.

My favourite Christmas song

I'm off to stay with friends for a few days. But before I go, here is my favourite Christmas song, the lovely Tim Minchin's love song to his baby daughter. This is what Christmas used to be like when I was growing up -- white wine in the sun, and family all around - "wherever you are and whatever you face, These are the people who'll make you feel safe in this world".

White Wine In The Sun 

I'm looking forward to Christmas
It's sentimental, I know, but I just really like it
I am hardly religious
I'd rather break bread with Dawkins than Desmond Tutu, to be honest

And yes, I have all of the usual objections to consumerism
The commercialisation of an ancient religion
And the westernisation of a dead Palestinian
Press-ganged into selling Playstations and beer
But I still really like it

I, I really like Christmas
Though I'm not expecting a visit from Jesus

I'll be seeing my dad
My brother and sisters, my gran and my mum
They'll be drinking white wine in the sun
I'll be seeing my dad
My sisters and brother, my gran and my mum
They'll be drinking white wine in the sun

I don't go for ancient wisdom
I don't believe just 'cos ideas are tenacious it means they are worthy
I get freaked out by churches
Some of the hymns that they sing have nice chords but the lyrics are dodgy

And yes I have all of the usual objections to the miseducation
Of children forced into a cult institution and taught to externalise blame
And to feel ashamed and to judge things as plain right and wrong
But I quite like the songs

I'm not expecting great presents
The old combination of socks, jocks and chocolate is just fine by me

Cos I'll be seeing my dad
My brother and sisters, my gran and my mum
They'll be drinking white wine in the sun
I'll be seeing my dad
My sisters and brother, my gran and my mum
They'll be drinking white wine in the sun
And you, my baby girl
My jetlagged infant daughter
You'll be handed round the room
Like a puppy at a primary school
And you're too young to know
But you will learn yourself one day
That wherever you are and whatever you face
These are the people who'll make you feel safe in this world
My sweet blue-eyed girl

And if, my baby girl
When you're twenty-one or thirty-one
And Christmas comes around
And you find yourself nine thousand miles from home
You'll know what ever comes
Your brother and sister and me and your
Will be waiting for you in the sun
Girl, when Christmas comes
Your brothers and sisters, your aunts and your uncles
Your grandparents, cousins and me and your mum
Will be drinking white wine in the sun
We'll be waiting for you in the sun
Baby whenever you come
We'll be waiting for you in the sun
Waiting...

I, I really like Christmas
It's sentimental, I know

Little green apples

I have two young apple trees in the garden, and they are laden with little apples, two different varieties. The green ones are Bramleys, I think. Cooking apples, anyway. I forget which the other variety is. The red ones ripen before the green ones, but they won't be ripe for ages yet. I hope I manage to harvest some before the possums get them.

Apple blossom in early November

Apple trees this morning

I have a good crop of raspberries this year, just in time for Christmas. The birds haven't taken them all, for a change. These will be on the menu for breakfast tomorrow morning.

Gifts I won't be giving this Christmas, 3

For that hard to buy for proctologist, Dr Grumpy comes to the rescue again!
A buttbank! Which farts!

More Christmas jollity from Youtube

Jingle bells! Can't get enuff of teh kyoot. And some very fine editing going on here.

And before I forget ...

Merry Christmas, everyone. Kiwi style, of course.

On the other hand ...

Here's something really useful!

Gifts I won't be giving this Christmas, 2

I refer you to this post of Dr Grumpy's. How about a necktie decorated with bacteria?

"Yes, now fashionable neckware for both sexes comes in an assortment of unpleasant pathogens, including plague, dust mites, and mad cow disease! Also available in not just 1, but 2 types of breast cancer!"

 Who dreams this stuff up?

I can't seem to make the picture enlarge when you click on it, but if you go over to Dr Grumpy's original post, you can click on the picture to enlarge it and see the germs in full colour splendour.

Moving on

Well. It was a bad day yesterday, but I woke up feeling hopeful this morning. Regarding the Christmas arrangements, I've done the best I can to please everybody (which is what was what caused the friction in the first place! Pleasing everyone = can't be done). I've done the best I can, so now it's time to stop feeling guilty and move on.

As for the eating - it's hot and sticky today, so it's a good day for skipping food and drinking lots of water.

Two steps backward

If I ever needed proof (and I don't!) that I am emotional eater, I have had it today. Christmas can be a difficult time sometimes, a time when old hurts and grievances can surface, and over the past few weeks I have been involved in a bit of a drama about who is spending Christmas with whom and where ... you know the sort of thing. I won't go into it but suffice to say there are hurt feelings and resentment going around and it's all very upsetting. I'm finding it difficult to deal with, and it's making me anxious. So today when I was packing up hampers of goodies to give as gifts I found myself sampling some chocolates - just one or two, at first. But then I just kept on eating them ... and eating them ... almost frantically, until they were gone. I haven't done this sort of unhinged, mindless, panicky eating in years. It was like the bad old ED days, which I had thought were well behind me and long gone. It was awful. I couldn't believe it.

Sigh. Back to the drawing board.

Thanks Merry, I shamelessly pinched this picture off your blog.

Deck the halls with boughs of holly

This has been around since last Christmas but it's still very cute.

Watch out for the custard creams!

One for the odd news file:  

Crumbs: half of Britons injured by their biscuits on coffee break, survey reveals

More than half of all Britons have been injured by biscuits ranging from scalding from hot tea or coffee while dunking or breaking a tooth eating during a morning tea break, a survey has revealed.

Here's a link to the full story in the UK Telegraph. Read it and marvel. It's a funny old world, innit. 


Thank you Prue at the Low Carb Cooking in Style forum for finding this story. The sheer silliness of it made my day. 

That pesky Vulcan nerve pinch

Thanks, Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

World economy in a nutshell

WARNING: extremely colourful language. Don't watch if offended by honest Anglo-Saxon English. Also the interviewer is a prat. But the interviewee is pure, solid gold.


Thank you Spare Room.

Gifts I won't be giving this Christmas, 1

I like my morning cuppa coffee but I don't need a "conversation starter", thanks.

Thank you Dr Grumpy.

Buddhist joke

Remember the joke about the Buddhist and the hotdog vendor?

The Buddhist monk went to a hot dog vendor and said, "Make me one with everything!" 

Well, here's a variation:

A Buddhist monk went to a hot dog vendor and said, "Make me one with everything!" When the monk asked the hot dog vendor for change, the vendor said, "Change comes from within." 

Chortle.  Thank you Bill Crider.

Pohutukawa

Photo by Simon Gianoutsos

As an ex-pat (and homesick) Wellingtonian, a visit to Wellington Daily Photo is part of my morning ritual. This morning's photo and post struck a real chord with me.  When I moved inland from a coastal environment, I didn't realise how much I was going to miss the things you take for granted when you live by the sea - seagulls, for instance, with their endless noise; and pohutukawa. This is the time of year when they are in bloom all along the coastline. I miss them. 

Climbing back on the wagon

When I fall off the wagon I don't muck about! I went to a party on Saturday night and ate too many of the wrong things - wheat and sugar included, for the first time in many many months. It was meant to be a dinner party, but dinner didn't come for hours and hours and the tables were loaded with carby snacks and I was hungry! So next day I suffered the usual lethargy and sluggishness. The difference was that this time I didn't waste any energy on remorse or beating myself up. Goofed, suffered, got over it. Shit happens.

I think I must be the poster girl for metabolic resistance. I am determined to get rid of some of this belly fat so it's straight back into ketosis for me, with a bit of fasting thrown in. I may even experiment with a "fat fast". The awesome Anne H at Carb Tripper has written a brilliant post about her experiences with fasting. Anne is a continual source of inspiration and information. Not to mention she makes me laugh! Thanks, Anne.

Stunning landscape pics

Look here for the finalists for the British Landscape Photographer of the Year. I particularly like the Cardiff one. But they are all stunning. Some folks are so talented!

D'oh

Sometimes I amaze even myself with my lack of commonsense.

Got up, showered, shampooed my hair. After coffee felt energetic so decided to vacuum, tidy up, and also clean out the fireplace. Result: clean shiny wet hair is now dirty dry ash-encrusted stiff spiky hair. Face also covered in grit because I actually remembered to slap on some moisturiser.

Why do I do these things to myself?

Don't miss this!

This gave me goosebumps. I just have to share this video, guaranteed to make you feel the Christmas spirit. It had me smiling, and I even applauded at the end.  


On November13 2010, unsuspecting shoppers got a big surprise while enjoying their lunch. Over 100 participants in this awesome Christmas Flash Mob. This is a must see! Thanks, Prue, for the tip-off.